2020 has been the weirdest year of my life, I think.
So many things have happened. I, for sure, would not have had any idea of what was to come. Like no, 2019 Mauricio, I'm not exaggerating (don't know how to write that), it was Satan itself.
You see, a pandemic happened. The month after you wrote that a virus popped out of nowhere in China, which, at first, slowly infected people. But then, a few months later, the world was in caos. Peru has basically been in quarantine since March, when the first coronavirus case was found in the country. And yeah, I'm writing a bit more formal because this is important. It's the most important event in god knows how many years.
More than 1 million people have died of this worldwide, more than 800k cases of infected people in the country so far. That is not to say what upper world is living right now, absolute hell. Since they are entering winter, it was obvious that their case count would increase, but not to the huge extent. If it continues like this, who knows what will happen to the world. The US got 100k today alone, a new record. This will shatter those entire countries. I can just say thank you to God for Peru being better now, so much better than before.
It's 11:10 of a Friday, and I will talk about why I'm still awake, but later.
Let's start by reviewing month by month what happened, at least what comes to my head because right now I'm too lazy to go and look at my diaries, it would take me hours to finish writing this, and as you will see, time is what I'm definitely lacking.
I just told you that the pandemic happened after 2019 writing. Also, I just realized why I wrote this on that specific date. If I remember it correctly, 28 was the day Juan told the class he was going to leave. So, sad as I was, I wrote that. Now I understand why such complexity and deep thinking in that writing, I was pushing my feelings out of myself and out.
So, the first thing I did was cut my hair, went to a party, partied the heck out of it, experienced being utterly drunk and puking outside a local. God it was awfully amazing. I didn't even have to understand. I just had the best last party I could've had, for real. I also kissed Alvaro there, well, he kissed me and I didn't want to. I didn't say anything really, we stayed friends for some time, not now though.
The very first thing I did after the party was cutting my hair to almost nothing: I went bald. It was a weird decision, mostly because I had fucked up my hair and decided to grow it all out again. December went by a flash, Otty, Joseph and I were very good friends. I also remember talking and walking with Moises and Gabriel. Oh right, I went two times to the casino with Mos, it was reaaally exciting. For my birthday, I went out to eat with my university friends, it was a good time. Around this time I had also wanted new clothes and a new style, I started to dress very diferrently, which I still conserve.
Around december was when the need to study erupted. I decided that I should start with philosophy, so that I could finally finish that Sophia book. I loved it, it taught me so many things. After that, reading seemed like a chore but it was also esential. Each time I needed to read something with a bit more complexity than I was used to, to experiment greater feelings. So I read, I read a lot. I thorugh many months, around 20-25 real books, maybe a bit more. Also I started to read fanfiction again, because reading serious books was exhausting at times. I love Star Wars, my cousin and I watched all the movies and spent a really good time watching them all. So I decided to read ffc about Star Wars. There are some novels there that are just as good as real books, some authors with potential
After that, I didn't really read much, I think I've read like 5 more books at best, and most of them becase the school asked me. There's this one book by Rilke that I haven't finished, I only have 12 pages left but it seems like the biggest chore ever.
I'm getting tired of writing this, lmao. I must continue.
By the way, I love constructive criticisim.
Continuing... this is going to take another half an hour. I don't care, my sleeping habits do though.
I fell in love with Otty even more, he told me he was just like me. I couldn't help but fall in love with him, how could I not? I've been feeling for him for the longest time, ever since I met him. God, my heart was full of only him. That didn't mean that I couldn't find other people attractive. My January cultural teacher was kind of hot, he looked like Derek Hale from Teen Wolf. Plus, I think the feelings were reciprocated. He was very different towards me, aside from that time he got really close and pretended to look at something in my book...yeah.
Then J happened and I fucked up. God, that was the closest to a chance I've ever had. He literally told me he liked me, I told him I HAD liked him, but that wasn't the truth. He was very flirty and I loved how much of a Himbo he was. I could've put up with his annoying Tiktoks and everything. I fucked up so bad with him. I'm sorry, J. Sorry for lying and panicking that one time.
Many guys I liked, until the quarantine happened. It was awful, apart from the situation of health and everything, I also had to live with my aunt and female cousin. I didn't feel free, at all. I couldn't do most things.
Buuuut, there was one salvation: music. I finally discovered what my music taste is: everything I like. This year I've listened to many artists, but mostly to specific artists. Some of the songs I've loved this year, don't know the songs I will be listening to next year.
- Quiero que me llames, Otra oportunidad, Concierto de conociendo Rusia, Tú, My Love, Hasta que tú me quieras, No te desanimes, Lo que siento, more Harry Styles. And the objectivally best one:
Song on the beach / Photograph
Out of these songs, I've probably listened to My love, Otra oportunidad, No te desanimes and Song on the beach more than thousands of times combined. Specially My Love, which I think is the best song ever created in the history of music.
My hands are starting to hurt, don't know If I will keep writing.
Well, pandemic happened. Many losses. My mom had it bad, she just lost many friends this year. I feel horrible.
Apart from that, this is the most important thing: I'm in university, even though it's something temporal, at best this semester only.
I'm in UCSP, I love it. I thought everything was over, that I would had to study at Unsa and that everything would turn out okay, boy I was so wrong. I have a chance, Tengo otra oportunidad. The son of a teacher scholarship can still work out for me, so i'm going to try that. Plus, I've chosen the career that wasn't what represented my interests best, but what I discovered i love. I love what I'm studying so far, it's so interesting and I don't have to force myself to say it. I will have a great future. I love studying and learning and being responsible and having everything in order in my life. God, I learnt to love the smallest things in life. My purpose was found, I want to be someone important and make my mother proud. I've put a lot of effort and my grades so far have shown my accomplishments and esfuerzo.
However, the day and week I'm writing this, I've felt a bit down. Not because of anything in particular, but like, I think studying too much has got me for the first time. Today I haven't done half of what I planned, I didn't practice like, at all. But this is the last day, because if I keep doing this, all of my first effort will be going to trash.
I have many thoughts regarding my grades and the effort I should put. But that's a conversation for when I'm not just starting university.
I got a better friendship with my best friends, though, there was a time where Mos and I stopped being friends. It's my fault but I'm too much of a coward to say it to him, I'm really sorry, I just need your friendship.
I've lost many friends and I almost talk to nobody, which makes me feel a bit lonely, but I'm learning to appreciate it.
I'm not horny anymore xD, I'm not really looking for love, just looking to love myself better and do better each time.
Please, let this week be a teaching experience. And all of this, too. Don't be lazy, you could've done so many things had you not procrastinated.
I also watched Her, amazing movie.
Finally, I don't know what the future holds for me. Worldwide, I have the lowest expectactions, because, being honest, it's not looking good.
See you in a year, I really hope you are studying by then, well, continuing your studies. Also, read more pls, you have the time and try to play more complicated Sudoku damn.
See you,
M
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